but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
