She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if only i could text you this smell
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
