My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
