I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
