Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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