We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
