So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
