he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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