Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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