absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
