the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
