i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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