i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
