He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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