D3 body, D1 cock
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
