I am puke
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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