so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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