I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
