She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
