I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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