I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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