I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
