someone threw a dead crab at me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
