I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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