His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
