Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
