return my video game
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize