You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
