He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
