do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he shaved USA in his pubs
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
