at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
