apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
