rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
