if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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