I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
