I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
