He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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