i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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