Define "chronic" masturbator.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
