i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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