I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A bitchslap is in order.
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