Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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