So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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