WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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