Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
