Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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