but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
