Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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