I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
