I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
