I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
