I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
