So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
