oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
